How to find the right therapist

Therapists are seemingly everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I don’t know about you but when I tried to find a therapist for myself, I felt overwhelmed. Most of the people who took my insurance were already booked. Or they didn’t work with the issues I was having. Or their schedules never matched mine. Or I simply didn’t connect with them.

It can be overwhelming to look at lists of therapists and try to pick one who best meets your needs. You may pick someone because they look like they would be nice or because they specialize in an area that you need help with. You may have gotten a recommendation. They may simply be open to providing care and you will take what you can get.

What does matter most though?

There have been studies that show that ultimately, no matter what kind of therapy someone does, be it solution-focused therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, dialectical behavioral, etc. it does not matter. Chances are, you may have no idea what any of this even means. Why would you? Scientists are agreeing. Every style of therapy can work for someone, but what matters most is the relationship that you have with your therapist.

It seems so obvious, doesn’t it?

If you don’t feel like your therapist genuinely likes you and want to help you, you won’t feel comfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable, you won’t be able to share what truly brings you into our office. If you feel like the person in front of you will judge you, will make you feel bad about your past behaviors, or is unable to really listen you won’t want to meet with them. This one hour you have with your therapist should be the most affirming time you have in your day. You should come away feeling validated, be shown where you are stuck, and be given ways to make it feel better. Otherwise, why are you paying us?

Meet (virtually or over a phone call) a couple of therapists. Interview us. Ask us a few questions to see if you feel comfortable. Get a feel for our personalities. Who made you feel safe, heard, and comfortable? Who do you feel like you could share things with and feel like your best interests will be protected? Trust your gut. It's there for a reason.